


Angels

by theactualbagel



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, but i wanted to try something different, im........... probably going to delete this, it really isn't like my usual writing, please don't judge me on this, this is very....... stream of consciousness.............
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theactualbagel/pseuds/theactualbagel
Summary: he's nine and he's pretty sure there's an angel in front of him***a story of all the angels in anakin's life





	

**Author's Note:**

> first and foremost i apologize in advance for this fic... it really isn't like my normal writing and idk if it's even that interesting! but i really wanted to try something different (i doubt i'll do anything like this again) and you really only do live once so why not post your goddamn fics on the internet while you still can.

he’s nine and he’s pretty sure there’s an angel in front of him.

she’s gorgeous; absolutely stunning. she’s not much taller than he is, with a bright smile and hair that looks smoother than anything he’s ever felt before. when she speaks, her voice is heavenly. she is an angel, anakin decides, even when she laughs and says that she isn’t.

a real angel. kitster isn’t gonna believe this.

the man that she came in with isn’t nearly as perfect as she is, but anakin thinks he must be some sort of ethereal being, too. he’s huge, first of all, towering above even his mother. and there’s just something about the way he feels. no, he’s not an angel like the girl, but he’s _something._

anakin figures it out at dinner.

the strange man is a jedi. anakin is ecstatic. jedi are heroes, and who needs a hero more than the slaves? surely this tall man with supernatural powers has come to free him and his mother, right?

he’s half right, as it turns out.

the strange man hasn’t come to free the slaves. he can’t do that, he says. anakin doesn’t understand fully, but he nods anyway. violence, apparently, is against the jedi code.

anakin thinks of all the times he’s heard stories of slaves getting beaten to death by their masters. he thinks of his mother, always walking on edge, as not to upset watto. he thinks of having to constantly prove his worth to his master lest he be sold to someone more unkind.

he thinks the jedi has no idea what he’s talking about, but he shouldn’t complain.

the jedi wants anakin to come with him after the pod race, and of course anakin agrees. he’d rather be anywhere than on tatooine.

the only condition is that his mother can’t come with him. the jedi says that anakin won’t even be able to visit her. it makes anakin sad, but he thinks about how he’s always wanted to see space and this could he his only chance. with a heavy heart, he says goodbye to his mother.

it feels as though one of the brightest lights in his life has gone out. he knows she isn’t dead, but her fate is so uncertain.

he sees the angel a few more times before he’s taken to the temple for good and it reminds him that there’s still plenty of light in his life. though most of it is unknown, he looks forward to the future. he’s going to be a jedi– a hero! and he’s going to free all the slaves when he gets big.

the temple is scary and cold and nothing like home but anakin will always have his dreams. when he’s lucky he sees the angel. she tells him that she’s so proud of him and that she will see him again some day. anakin always wakes up feeling warm inside.

anakin decides he is happy at the temple. and when he isn’t, he thinks about the angels in his life and he is comforted.

 

***

 

he’s nineteen and he’s the angel this time.

with padme at his side, he’s finally able to go to tatooine and see his mother. obi-wan told him months before that the dreams don’t mean anything, but he knows better. it’s not obi-wan’s fault necessarily, anakin thinks. he’s never had a mother to lose.

not that he’ll lose her, anakin hesitantly reminds himself.

when he gets there, the fear only grows. his mother isn’t with watto and he can’t sense her nearby. even before cleigg lars opens his mouth, anakin knows she isn’t there.

anakin is certain right then that it’s already too late. It manifests as a pit of dread in his stomach that won’t go away. he was too late.

it doesn’t go away while he’s searching for her. he combs the desert for sand people relentlessly and the dread is still there. his mother is dying and it’s his fault for not being there quick enough. for a long time he faults only himself.

he finds her force signature after hours (days? he isn’t sure) and he feels a false hope. anakin knows the truth to his very core, but sensing his mother has brought a childlike ignorance back from somewhere deep within him. he sneaks into a sandy hut and finds her. she’s bleeding, unconscious, and broken.

he holds her in his arms and she looks at him. in that moment, for a brief second, he understands.

her son, who left years ago to become a hero, is within reach. she touches his face with the back of her hand to make sure he’s real and even then she isn’t so sure.

anakin understands. she thinks he’s a hallucination. she’s dying, and she thinks he’s an angel come to visit her in death. he’s the only comfort she’s had in months of torture and years of slavery, and he’s only now showing up while she’s dying.

shmi isn’t able to tell him she loves him before she dies. anakin is still holding on to her. her vacant, glossy eyes look up at him and it _burns._

it isn’t his fault anymore. it’s the sand people. they killed his mother. they took her from him. they stole her. he goes into a blind rage when he slaughters them all. he can barely remember it afterwards, and he thinks it’s for the best.

he remembers obi-wan’s words from months before when he’s back at cleigg’s house. he remembers how obi-wan told him the dreams didn’t mean anything. obi-wan kept him from saving his mother. this was his fault.

anakin knows that he’s being irrational when he blames obi-wan for his mother’s death, but that doesn’t keep him from doing it. he can feel anger inside him, serpent-like and confusing. it burns. why couldn’t things just be different?

padme tells him anger makes him human, but he thinks the opposite is true.

he knows he’ll get past it and eventually he does, but he hasn’t forgotten.

he’ll never forget.

***

he’s 23 years old and he’s been watching what used to be angles fizzle and die.

it all started with obi-wan.

obi-wan, the perfect, solemn jedi who so graciously took him under his wing, was holding him back. anakin knew. he may not have physical evidence but he knew. he could tell by the way obi-wan looked at him; passive and unwelcoming of what anakin had to say. every fleeting glance his master shared with him shouted _that’s against code, anakin. how dare you._ obi-wan hates him and it burns.

anakin knows he isn’t perfect. he knows better than anyone. he decides he doesn’t need obi-wan (or anyone else on the jedi council, for that matter) to tell him that again.

it isn’t long before all he has is padme (and palpatine; they’ve grown surprisingly close), and he isn’t as hurt as he thought he’d be.

maybe the jedi were onto something when they forbade attachments, anakin ponders. with obi-wan out of his life, everything is so much easier to understand. or maybe the opposite is true, in a sort of roundabout way. either way, he’s found a new path and that’s what he’s going to follow.

he’s going to hold onto padme, though.

he’d rather die than let the last glowing remnant of all things good and pure fade out of his life. everything else may die, but padme must survive.

she will survive.

he tells this to himself when palpatine asks him to do something terrible.

kill the future jedi, palpatine tells him. prevent another generation of jedi from contaminating society. you understand, don’t you? the jedi order hurt you. don’t let those younglings grow into toxic jedi scum. they’re evil. don’t be fooled. kill them.

he obeys.

he thinks about padme; his angel. he thinks about the life they’ll have together once this is through. he thinks about their family living together by a lake just like naboo. he’s the most powerful being that ever lived and she’s… well, she’s whatever she wants to be. their unborn child inherits his powers, of course, and through her (or him) he raises a new generation force wielders that aren’t corrupt like the jedi.

she’s his angel and he loves her more than anything. everything else is gone, but it doesn’t matter.

all he needs is padme.

***

he’s in his 40’s and he’s pretty sure there’s an angel in front of him.

he looks so much like his mother, vader thinks.

vader can’t see the detail of luke’s face perfectly through his malfunctioning mask, but he knows. everything about luke, from the softness of his voice to the upright posture, reminds him of her.

there’s so much he wishes he could tell luke in that moment but his suit is failing him and he knows he’s dying and time is running out.

he wishes he could tell luke about padme and all the wonderful things she’d done for the galaxy. he wishes he could tell luke how he’s so much like her, down to the hope they both shared. but vader’s lungs won’t fill with air like they’re supposed to and he just threw the only person in the galaxy who could fix him into an endless void (not that he regrets it one bit).

he considers himself lucky that he can look up at luke and ask him to help take off the mask.

luke tells him no, he won’t do that. you’ll die, father.

he is so much like his mother, vader thinks. he tells luke that there’s no stopping that now. he wants to see his son with his own eyes. he needs to.

luke is crying but he does it anyway. carefully, as though he’s afraid of hurting vader, he lifts the mask off of his eyes. vader notes that he does a good job at containing his disgust at the scarred tissue.

he was right, though.

luke looks so much like his mother. every single detail of his face is reminiscent of padme. he thinks about how leia completes the puzzle and that she and luke are so obviously his and padme’s. he thinks about how his life was once rich with potential and how he somehow squandered it all. he doesn’t deserve padme’s forgiveness. he doesn’t deserve luke’s forgiveness.

luke says something about needing to get off the death star but vader knows it’s too late for him. the tone of luke’s voice crushes his already broken heart into a million more pieces.

luke’s eyes are wet with tears. his voice cracks. the boy clearly wants nothing more than to help his dying father. He insists he can save him.

anakin tells luke that he already has.

***

luke is nineteen and he's at his father's funeral and there’s three angels in front of him.

**Author's Note:**

> my teacher said i had a brain wired for poetry and idk if that's true at all but i like run on sentences and improper grammar so here you fuckin go. sorry if anyone doesn't like it lmao pls dont judge me


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